What a beautiful disaster we were,
and possibly we still are:
even though to this day I'm not sure if he's just 'bad news'
or if we can make our fetish, and desire for each other's shit (mental and fecal), stick.
So here's another chapter, starting at the point where he'd moved out of the house we both shared and where we fed off of each other for 4 years.
So sad he gave up so easily and so definite, severing all options for amends.
I'm afraid I have not gotten over this guy, maybe never will, and I feel quite embarrassed to still keep nagging readers here on this, but he's still here, in this house, in my mind, inspiring me to many thoughts I desperately feel like either getting rid of or sharing and putting them in beautifull words, images and clips.
So even if I may irritate many, with explicit stuff they do not think fit to share, I still have to do this, for myself and for him. Trying, in these days of "unacceptable intimacy or meetoo, to re-assure him and you that it's not my goal to be a stalker: if he's not reacting, that's fine too, but I do need my time to "get over him" And fuck anybody who objects, like the 'woke' local gay youth community, themselves ultimately discriminating, counteracting any attempt at true inclusivity, humorlessly, exessarbating generation differences, degrading their own community.
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| 4-4-2021 starting with some of our thisvid clips embedded: |
clip of the way I've promoted Martin's scat-art the past 2 decades at the Tom House, Echo Park Los Angeles:
3 most recently uploaded ones (chronologically, the 1st clip we filmed together):
and the most recent, recorded march 14th '23:
to sum it up:
Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel: re-connected (a bit) this easter,
but let's not assume anything.
and thus, all of a sudden,
We met up again, and re-aquainted with each others asshole, even if they were pretty empty, due to the suddenness of this encounter, and having to keep it short, as Jos had to open shop at 8 Am the next morning.
But it was pretty clear, we both enjoyed it and had to confess, we had missed each others asshole, if not much more.
So we agreed on re-establishing a shit exchange, so gut healthy and mentally stabalising for us both.
But also not too fast, taking time, trying not to fall in earlier traps of too high expectations and losing trust.
here is the English translation of above Dutch chat.
One question Jos asked me was the one he found too hard to answer directly: "what would make you feel at ease?"
I answered that I would be happy if he could supply me once again with his inner most bowel movement, so that I could get in touch with his deepest desires and grasp what he wanted, what he needed. And that it would not èver feel like it was something that I was demanding, but that it felt as much like something he would feel like his holy duty, to feed me with his 3 daredevil excrements, and preferably the other way around too, so we could get to be natural and unquestioning, unconditional support for each other.
Will ask him next time if he has come up with an answer to the question of what he wants most. Hope he confesses to wanting to return to his old room here and being as addicted to all the good and bad stuff we can serve each other.
Here's the 1st trailer of our renewed thisvid project:
What makes me worried is that I feel a click just jumping in aagain, resuming the hours of video we recorded and upload inyears passed: all earlier clips were edited over a long time, where I patiently made edit notes and think things over, to not just make it any other amateur-scat-porn clip but a story, conveying our moods, and being honest about our intimacies, both in the euphoric moments as well as in the moments of doubt, anxiety and even disagreement.
But as our meetings with shit exchange sessions get more frequent and more intense again and I keep gathering more footage each time, choices get more difficult and maybe further clips will take a bit longer.
I don't want to rush this thing, that overwhelms my feelings a bit right now. And I want to do this right.
and most importantly, I want Jos to feel right, and not lose trust in me again.
Still, a month later new clips have been edited:
Agreed, there wasn't that much shit to be fed there, but I'm very much eager to swallow more quantity, as it makes me tolerant for Jos's gut feelings and also gets us both more tolerant for each other's bacterial gut content. And last but not least, it tastes better each time and it's the only addiction I'm very happy with and proud of, so I'm a lucky guy with the "no questions asked" home delivery deal we have right now, to keep me eager for more:
and if you're eager to see the most recent clips, just visit my thisvid page, registration there is free and our clips are all open access.
Do fill-my-inbox with tasty juices or inspirational solid thoughts |
The antidote to shame and silence is empathy, and for us on the Spectrum, even though we know this is our only escape, it is especially hard to follow through on it.
more to follow, I'm afraid . . .
like. . .
these links for 2 of Jos's recent brownhanky clips, where you'll have to register to see them:
and there are at least 3 delicious clips on Jos's thisvid that I go back to often with respect and admiration. But you not only need to register, he'll also have to approve your friend request, coz they're set to 'private':
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| 25-12-2022 like the links to the autobio in progress : |
Reading the 1000's of pages of Proust's "Temps Perdue" (together with a fine group of authors, fans and scolars), learned me that, even if many will not recognise all the fetish obsessions of the author), many will, even a century or 2 onwards, find solace and relief in reading about the ongoing tribulations of love-affairs going through the motions.
1st (oldest) :
2nd :
3rd :
4th :
5th :
6th:
7th:
8th:
9th:
yep a shitload of stuff and my unresolved issues still to go, and some of the above pages are updated as we go along.
so do come back when more content is revealed.
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yours, in sodomy . . .
with homo-erotic art, no less
Queer culture
without cock and balls ?
That's called CASTRATION !
why do that to yourselves?
Invoking 'god'
is merely an attempt to
avoid clear and critical thinking and
to abrogate personal responsibility
for one's own choices;
It's the ultimate retreat
of the intellectually lazy.
It also provides
an unfortunate comparsion
with the sorts of
theocratic regimes abroad
of which we are rightly critical.
my religion: priapism!
politically correct
is the most dangerous infection,
first symptoms:
blocking creativity,
spontaneity, candour,
vigilance, economic renewal
and is spreading like wildfire
in the gaiii community and
it's more contageous
then any STD!
a devious mind
is a terrible thing to waste
Goodness, gracious,
great turds of fire!
Marc Martin
pig-prod 
MyBrownHanky
scatboi
Pigs get fed
love of my life
to archived pages,
months 3 &4 '24
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